Parenting never gets easier. You don’t ever magically get a break or fewer struggles—you just get used to it. Packing a snack bag becomes second nature. The sunscreen, the diaper changes, the extra set of clothes, the cleaning epic messes all becomes as natural as brushing your teeth. Every difficult phase you overcome is replaced with a new, different one. It never gets easier. You just adapt.
Thanks for all the thoughts, prayers and good ju ju you sent my way over the weekend.
Long story short, after my miscarriage I was told that my pregnancy wasn’t normal and they needed to run some tests to insure that I didn’t have cancer.
Thankfully, my results were fine. Now I need weekly blood tests to make sure that the levels of hcg in my blood continue to drop. Once my doctor is happy with my levels, we’ll be able to try for another baby.
It was a scary few days, but we got the best news we could have gotten.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Now it’s time for me decide whether or not I want to run a half marathon this spring!
I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. It sucked, but I walked away thinking, this sucks, but this happens to lots of people, and I am so blessed to have an awesome toddler, a loving husband and such great friends and family. My doctor told that we can can try again next month and that everything will be okay.
We’ll get through this and it’ll be okay.
I went to my two week check up today, and everything isn’t as okay as we thought.
They needed to run more tests and I get the results on Monday. Best case scenario is, we wait a few months have lots of testing, and then try again for another baby. Worst case… Well, I’m not ready to go there yet.
Please send your prayers, happy thoughts, good ju ju and whatever else you believe in this way this weekend.
Until then, my little family is going to enjoy our next two days together, and I am going to love just how okay are lives are.
You would think if someone had a miscarriage and had been to the hospital twice and their doctor’s office once since it happened, the doctor’s office would not call to remind them that they had an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow, right?
I’m sitting by the window in my pajamas staring out at the street waiting for pizza to get here. I’ve been sitting here for the past 45 minutes. In hindsight it would have been a lot easier to just throw on jeans and drive the 5 minutes up the street and pick it up myself. Then I wouldn’t have to have to be awkward while trying to figure out what to tip either.
“The best day of your life is the one on which YOU decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.”—(via wineandglitterplease)
I didn’t expect to read many books this year. There was no particular reason for this outlook—just a general feeling I had last January. I was a little pessimistic. I set a goal of 50. And then I surprised myself! I read over 70. Some were Kindle Singles (is that cheating?), but I included…
I just had to search for this post, so figured I’d reblog it for future use.
“When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.”—
“In running, you can’t be a beggar. Never beg your legs to keep moving, never beg yourself to keep pushing forward. Because that implies that you don’t have control. Eventually you’ll have to beg your mind too. No don’t be a beggar, but instead be a commander. Command your legs to push, command your feet to keep going. Because you want this. And you’re going to make it happen.”—(via modelmefitx)
I posted pics of my 5k on Facebook and a friend of my mom’s commented that her two daughters were running a 5k here in NH at the end of November, and that I should do it too. I contacted one of the girls (who I used to babysit for!!) and she told me that no, they’re not running a 5k, they’re running a 10k. I debated a bit, but then decided to do it. Who hoo!!
Then, last night I got a cramp in the bottom of my foot when I was sleeping. You know, the ones that come on like WHOA! then have you dancing around and yelling and waking up the dog and then trying to be quiet so you don’t wake up the toddler? Yeah, one of those.
I had a big plan to run 4 miles today and drove 45 minutes to my mother-in-law’s house to drop off Cam and go for a run, only to discover that I’d left my sneakers (and diaper bag) at home.
I’m pretty sure the running gods are telling me it’s time to pack it in and just become one with my couch, right? I knew this running thing was a bad idea.
Sandwiches are very special. Pretty much every BLT will be good, but when the tomato slices have been dried on a paper towel, and the order is bread + peppered mayo + lettuce + peppered and salted tomato + applewood smoked bacon + peppered mayo + bread, I’m absolutely catatonic with gratitude. My person likes her ham sandwiches with mayo and mustard mixed and on both slices of the bread, and there’s a special horseradish-to-mustard ratio when it comes to roast beef situations. I know these things because I fucking love her and I paid attention when she made her own sandwiches next to me in our kitchen. When I make PBJs for the kids, I know who wants crunchy peanut butter and who wants extra jelly. I also know that they’re a Grape Only Zone, and they know I’m an Anything But Grape Zone, and that’s what the seedless blackberry jam is for.
A sandwich made by someone else really can be like kisses and hugs and sex and home and pillows and screen doors and life, because it means you have a someone, and that they paid attention, and they give a fuck.
Me 50% of the time:I love to run. Green beans are amazing. Who needs cake when I can have strawberries. PROTEIN. Oh my god peanut butter. I have so much energy! This is my fourth bottle of water today. I love being healthy.
Me the other 50% of the time:I want to sleep for 6 years. When did my bed become heaven. Why did I eat 3 twinkies. I'm too lazy to put on a bra. Being a girl sucks. I don't feel like exercising.
I had about 10 minutes before my flight, enough time to grab one more cup of coffee. I had rushed to finish one more assignment on the floor of the Salt Lake City airport before my flight to O’Hare and somewhat tight connection to Zurich. Just as I was about to order a coffee, I heard a man behind me ask, “Are you Leonard?”
I turned, and a man and his wife stood looking at me, an open passport in his hands. He looked at it, then looked at me, then back at the passport.
“Yes,” I said, my mouth dropping. “Wow.” I reached out and he handed me the passport, my passport, that I had left on the floor a few hundred yards from the coffee stand. I had hurriedly unplugged my computer from its last North American electrical outlet, packed up my stuff and left my passport, boarding pass inside, sitting next to a potted plant in the busy terminal.
I said Thank You, then Thank You again, and the guy and his wife smiled and walked on their way. I said Thank You 10 more times in my head, stuffed my passport and boarding pass back in my backpack, and ordered a coffee, sighing and shaking my head in disbelief that I left my goddamn passport on the floor of an airport minutes before the start of a three-week work trip.
And that guy saw it, picked it up, and walked around the terminal for a couple minutes trying to find a guy who looked like the guy in the photo, and handed it to me, no questions asked, no expectation of any reward, just doing the right thing on his way to the baggage claim. I did my best to communicate my gratitude, but how do you thank someone for saving you from thousands of dollars in airline tickets, days of stress, missed schedules, maybe identity theft? I should have given him a bear hug right there at the coffee stand.
My friend Mick told me he had a friend who said, “I used to think I was gonna change the world. Now I just let people onto the freeway.” I always loved that line, because I think it says something about what people can do to make other people’s lives better—all those little things that don’t make the evening news.
Most days, I think that most people aren’t going to save the world in the way we usually think of that phrase, save the world: feed starving children, rescue families from burning homes, start a nonprofit that helps people find a new start.
But then I think about people like that guy who handed me back my passport, or you, when you find someone’s wallet at a restaurant and give it to the manager, or pick up a dropped pacifier for a someone who’s holding a baby and trying to juggle three other things, or let someone in front of you in line at the grocery store when they have two items to buy and you have 25, I think, yeah, maybe everyone’s going to save the world.